Here I sit on vacation. At the bar, Macbook sitting next to the best Raspberry Collins ever after spending another day alone. Just writing that sounds sad, but its so much the opposite.
Slowly over the last few months up to a year I have been searching for myself. I have made promises that I would step out of my comfort zones, connect with those that I haven’t in years, learn to do things alone (and enjoy it), to GO and just BE!
I have long suffered fear of judgement, fear of stepping out and being ridiculed, laughed at, not fitting in. The classic fat girl story really but with even greater anxiety. Anxiety that would leave me just wanting to stay in my comfort world. Don’t get me wrong, while there have been times of fighting depression and not wanting to do much, I never locked myself in my house for days on end. I would hang out with my family. My sister and I usually were together mostly. Hanging out with the kids or working were a reason to not have to do anything outside my norm. I knew I was missing out on this great big world, but I never would explored it alone. If my sister or daughter couldn’t be with me (or even husband at the time), it didn’t happen. I never felt left out or lonely. The invitations were plenty. I just never knew better.
Until now ..
After making a conscious effort to LIVE and to BE present even if alone I can tell you I am happier in my own skin then I have ever been.
IT’S MY TIME!