Life has been crazy and rather than sit and think about updating the blog, I figured it was time to get moving.
You may or may not know but I lost my content in my previous blog (lesson learned) so I am starting anew. It’s funny how life happens and the snowball effect starts. I think bullets might be a great way to get up to speed on the last year of my life.
- Blog was not renewed and lost all content (didn’t see or really care the email came and went). The only backup I had was not complete so after a lot of tears, I decided to rebrand and start all over.
- It is a perfect time to start over as I have never been as unhealthy This gives me a new opportunity to start fresh and take control.
- Speaking of unhealthy – I have gained almost all of my 138 pound weight loss back and been diagnosed and battled the following: Psoriatic arthritis (already had Psoriasis), Rheumatoid arthritis, Major Depression, Anxiety, High blood pressure, Asthma, and a plethora of flu/sickness.
- I cannot remember the last time I ran and it didn’t hurt like hell. No running in my life is it’s own hell.
- Personal relationships lacking. Dated and stop dating someone I knew was wrong from the beginning, but so badly wanted it to be right. Fought the fight to only end up waving the white flag. When that didn’t work, I dabbled with getting back together with my ex husband but quickly remembered why we are so much better off as friends and co parents.
- Work is going good. The company is in turmoil and up for sale so we will see how it all works out on that front.
- Kids are amazing. Liam was diagnosed with ADHD – Inattentive type and while still has struggles, he has come a long way. Kellie is in final months of her Baking and Pastry Chef Degree and will be leaving the nest soon I feel. It is time. 🙂
So, in a nutshell, it’s been crazy! Now is the time to gain my life back. To get healthy and live the best possible life for myself and my children. To get off of these 11 pills a day and lose this weight once and for all. To love myself. Each and every minute. To support and nurture my kids. To stretch myself and try new things. TO RUN!
Here I sit on vacation. At the bar, Macbook sitting next to the best Raspberry Collins ever after spending another day alone. Just writing that sounds sad, but its so much the opposite.
Slowly over the last few months up to a year I have been searching for myself. I have made promises that I would step out of my comfort zones, connect with those that I haven’t in years, learn to do things alone (and enjoy it), to GO and just BE!
I have long suffered fear of judgement, fear of stepping out and being ridiculed, laughed at, not fitting in. The classic fat girl story really but with even greater anxiety. Anxiety that would leave me just wanting to stay in my comfort world. Don’t get me wrong, while there have been times of fighting depression and not wanting to do much, I never locked myself in my house for days on end. I would hang out with my family. My sister and I usually were together mostly. Hanging out with the kids or working were a reason to not have to do anything outside my norm. I knew I was missing out on this great big world, but I never would explored it alone. If my sister or daughter couldn’t be with me (or even husband at the time), it didn’t happen. I never felt left out or lonely. The invitations were plenty. I just never knew better.
Until now ..
After making a conscious effort to LIVE and to BE present even if alone I can tell you I am happier in my own skin then I have ever been.
IT’S MY TIME!